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Most of what has been written about negotiation suggests that emotions can be ignored or approached as a rational problem. Emotions are to be “managed” or “vented” when absolutely necessary and then ignored. Yet emotions are an unavoidable part of being human. And, are a part of every negotiation. When we recognize that someone else is interfering with our achieving our goals or preventing us from getting what we want, emotions often spring forth. Conflict becomes the inevitable result.

Feelings and emotions very significantly influence how people deal with conflict.Think about some of the long standing conflicts in the world like Rwanda, Kosovo, the Israelis and Palestinians, or the abortion debate. In each case the disputants have extremely strong emotions that have impeded the resolution of the conflict. It can be seen in how the parties portray themselves – pro-life, not anti abortion; pro-choice, not pro abortion. Each is tied to a world view that generates strong emotion about the issue.

The critical skills in negotiation are being tenacious and keeping your cool. Always remember that tenacious does NOT have to mean confrontational. Nobody likes to be backed into a corner. Therefore, raising your voice, and being forceful, or making threats may work against you in the business trenches.

Your objective is to get somebody to do something for you or sell you something at your price on your terms. So you want to avoid making them defensive or suspicious. No matter how eager they are to close a deal, nobody wants to do business with an a-hole. Instead, make it easy for them to say yes. Make them feel like your objective is their idea. You do that by paying attention, by listening. And you do it by taking your ego completely out of the equation and staying focused on the issues, while recognizing that both sides may have strong emotions about the process and the outcome.

Who doesn’t like packaged luncheon meat? Well, OK, maybe a lot of people don’t, but at least when I say the word “salami” everyone gets a mental image of what I’m talking about: one of those sausage looking things that you buy at the store and then proceed to slice off pieces as you make things like sandwiches. Why is this so important that every sales negotiator should have one of them on their desk at all times?

How To Eat A Salami
Careful – if you take my advice and purchase a salami and place it on your desk, very quickly you are going to discover that this thing needs to be kept refrigerated. Don’t do it!